A PUBLIC SAFETY ANNOUNCEMENT ORDERED BY BALDY'S ARMY: Do you remember when we talked about IRASes in Issue 2? Baldy's Army has since wanted us to take the article down. Unfortunately, as the issue is already released, that is impossible, so instead we kindly beg you to completely erase the entire article from your brain completely. This is not a joke. This is not a drill. This is an official government order. Thank you for understanding.
A Crime Group known as Treacherous Hatred of Everyone (THE) has vandalized and broken into several stores in Marvelonia. The police have hunted down the criminals and found all of them in an abandoned apartment in Downtown Marvelonia. The escaped through the window and no-clipped through the ground. One of the notable targets of the is Mr. Serif's Font Shop, which was given the baseball treatment, as you can see in the picture. Mr. Serif is not very happy about this. He also recently discovered that one of the police officers on the force was a member of the, so he decided he would take matters into his own hands.
Mr. Serif decided to organize a font squad to help locate and exterminate members of the. He recruited many fonts to help him, like Comic Sans, Roboto, and Arial to help him out. He's done quite a lot of progress already, like getting the officer who was part of the fired. Mr. Serif is now on his way to track down any remaining members, dead or alive. More on this story as it develops.
Jimothy Von O' DeMacNathanielsonbrierbrook is an employee at a remote-controlled paper manufacturer in Lampriaka, in the country of Lampria. After a slight inconvenience involving multiple injuries, O' DeMacNathanielsonbrierbrook was told that he had gotten a new promotion. Customer. To his boss' surprise, O' DeMacNathanielsonbrierbrook was delighted to hear of this. Why? Be patient, I'll tell you soon enough. One day, O' DeMacNathanielsonbrierbrook took a visit to his boss' house. There, Jimothy announced that he was now the new owner of the company. His (now former) boss was confused at this prepostorous claim, but O' DeMacNathanielsonbrierbrook assured him that the customer is always right. O' DeMacNathanielsonbrierbrook is now the owner of the company. The former boss is astounded by the supreme logic used, and is now considering using it for his advantage. More on this story as it develops.
Some guy decided to make some money by suing a company that didn't exist. He figured that if the company wouldn't be able to defend itself, he would get the money from the lawsuit. However, the court didn't even need to read the documents in order to find out this was nonsense. The guy lost and had to pay the company a whole bunch of money. The nonexistent company (Kcretzel's Pretzels) is now going to enter the stock market.
Vaweb, the capital of Kandonia, has been getting some attention recently from an epidemic of missing pet mold.For those unaware, Kandonians living in Vaweb and the surrounding area like to grow bread mold and take care of it. They do everything for the mold- help it walk, fight, and do taxes. But recently, the moldmen (I like to call them that every once in a while) have wanted change. They want freedom from the human world. They want independence. So they have started to make communities in the underground parts of the cities, such as sewers or water pipes.
Be careful. You never know when the mold might come out and attack you, but you can be sure they will. Oh yes, they sure will. More on this story as it develops.